The time that I’ve taken,
I pray is not wasted,
Have I already tasted my piece of one sweet love?
– One Sweet Love, Sara Bareilles
I think in all the 30 summers that has come and passed in my life, I enjoyed this summer the most. And throughout this summer, amongst my travel companions and friends that I shared time with, I think the most compelling discussion that I had with them was about how love is defined amongst different point of views and experiences.
For some, love is being happy in your own solitude because it is easier to live life that way. It is not a compromise nor a lazy conviction but a conscious choice to be happy on your own. Life is certainly more fulfilling with someone else to prop your arm as you go up the staircase once you reach your golden years but not everyone is fearless to risk against pain and anguish just in case, in some cases, that is what it would take to fall in love with someone.
For some, they define love by seeking it in the most uncommon places, people and from the most uncommon events. It may seem glutinous for some, but who is to say what is moderate enough for a person to consume love. Who has the magic formula when it comes to this potent emotion anyways?
For some, love is trouncing previously held beliefs and giving up your son’s fate to a higher power that you once conceived as irrelevant, illogical and impractical. Love for them is what makes the impossible anathema to what lies beyond the realms of possibilities that we prefer to call life.
Throughout my life, my one definition of love is this: love is when you hold on to someone else’s hand and never ever let go of that hand all throughout the rollercoaster ride of each other’s lives. My definition has never changed but my conviction or belief on this definition would waver from time to time depending on how I would fare on my own personal relationships, romantic or otherwise. Some say that my definition is just innate fixation with object permanence, that I objectify love and thus prefer to believe that love exists as long as you hold on to it. The jury is still out and by jury; I mean time would be the judge if my definition holds water.
For one, I doubt if anybody would want to hold my hands for the longest time. My hands are rough, clammy and would produce enough sweat to water a plant for a week almost immediately once it gets into contact with any foreign object (human hands included). Although these same hands are strong and could hold on to anything for dear life indefinitely, sadly I haven’t found any hands to hold on long enough to test my definition. It goes without saying though that inasmuch as my hands are not perfect, at least anyone who holds it can be assured that I will never let go. My hands may get clammy at times; but it is because it is moist with anticipation as to where life would lead me and the other person that is holding on to it. It might be rough but it gives it a certain grip comfortable enough for the holder to hold on to forever.
I deem it necessary to apologize for such a sappy read, but I would want to define my views now, because if my critics are right, if this only object permanence, might as well will the object to exist than to pine for it forever.
Hobbies are fun and fulfilling. It keeps me fit and active. As I turn 30 this year, I need all the activities that I can cram in the short free time that I have every week to re-ignite my slowing metabolism. However, like other forms of recreation and entertainment, these activities can be easily scrapped off as unnecessary and a complete waste of time and money. As I seek the middle way, I will try to rationalize my current hobbies obsessions and whittle it down to a sustainable few. Yes, curbing my spending is the objective of this exercise.
I’m not that anal to do a SWOT analysis so I’ll just content myself by listing the pro and con of each hobby. Of course, the hobbies with the most cons e.g. expensive get scrapped off my plate.
– Pro – Fairly competent player already (no more learning curve aka maxed out na…ha-ha), focus intensive (ADHD placebo cure)
– Con – Relatively expensive equipment (shoes, ball and outfit), no playmates (can be remedied of course), have to play within 80% capacity threshold so as not to further injure arthritic knee.
– Pro – Has standard equipment already (racket, outfit, etc.), excellent stress reliever (imagine the shuttlecock as your boss and then smash away)
– Con – Has regressed in playing ability/skills due to arthritic knee/hips/ankle/forearms.
– Pro – Does not stress the knee at all, I’m a water nymph from a past life (?!)
– Con – location specific (you have to go out of metro manila to one of the beaches to get your fix. Doing this on a swimming pool is dorky and creepy at the same time).
– Pro – The Flow. ‘Nuff said.
– Con – Need to build up on gear and the ultimate equipment – zee surf board, is uber-expensive. Need to have a car to get carry all your gear to a beach with waves.
– Pro – Has bike already. Low impact cardio exercise ergo good alternative to running.
– Con – Upgrading the bike is somewhat addicting. The bike is 3 times more expensive from its purchase price due to the upgrades alone. Weather is crucial to a fun filled biking afternoon.
– Pro – Same pro as above with snorkeling, public swimming pools are available metro wide.
– Con – No swimming buddy (swimming alone is dangerous). By survey, entrance fees to swimming pools are kind of steep.
– Pro – Seeing the world keeps the soul from dying. It gives you a better perspective on the diversity of life and the necessity of propagating understanding and cooperation to our fellow men. Has stable group of travel buddies.
– Con – Cost intensive. Not all travel points would give you the “high” that you expected or had from previous travels. Stressful if not planned properly.
Oops, one prominent hobby is missing. Yes, I’m not into running anymore. Something has to give, my knee or running. It was a very easy choice on my side. That’s enough about my falling out with it though; running was my first and greatest love among my hobbies. Getting a 45 min PR for 10km is the sweetest, I tell you.
Hmmm…surveying what I’ve written above, I can easily do away with traveling since I can always go back to it when I explicitly need to travel for business. I can also do away with snorkeling since it’s almost the same as swimming sans the snorkeling gear. Although I love getting “the flow”, surfing is also cost extensive for me since it involves traveling also hence 2 hobbies in one. Therefore, I should also have to tighten my belt and let go of it also.
What I have left now are the following:
Swimming (done semi-regularly)
With all these activities, undeniably it begets the question, why am I still over weight? That deserves another blog entry altogether. Hihihi.
Atleast not Dan Brown!
I’ve always loved indie movies. I love movies that tell stories without resorting to eye popping razzle dazzle effects and worse inutile dialogue (“I’m hotter than you”, belch!). Yes indie movies can sometimes try too hard to be “indie” but if you give me 200 bucks to watch another installment of THAT vampire love story (somehow vampirism and love story does not bite me, pun intended) franchise, I’ll use that money to buy pirated Lav Diaz’s movies in Quiapo instead. Diaz’s movies might’ve been full of hubris, but he makes it up with gravitas (sitting through a 12- hour Lav Diaz movie is the verbatim definition of hubris in the dictionary. Look it up.).
And so, as my preamble goes, I met Jalberti at CCP to take a dip into Filipino Indiecinephelia (such an insert word here !).
Since Cinemalaya is on its 6th year, they amped up their serving by dividing movies into various categories e.g. new breed, director showcase, shorts, etc. As if we do not know the newbies from the tandercats?! So andaming pagpipillian, what na? As usual, I have troves of theories to rely upon whenever I get into these schiznitz moments. For this one, I go by the Flock is right or your fucked theory. Meaning, one should go with the direction of the herd unless you want to be branded as pasaway. So I told Jalberti, let’s watch the movie with the longest line! Normally, Jalberti on a full stomach would raise an objection to such absurd communal theory but hunger is such a dumbing pill, he acquiesced.
So off we go to get in line for Two Funerals by Gil Portes since it had the longest line then. On hindsight, even if my theory was correct, my method was flawed since we didn’t check the other theaters if their lines were longer than ours, alas dispensa Jalberti.
Two Funerals is a (screwball) dark comedy about the mix-up of two cadavers that were victims of a bus accident in Gapan, Nueva Ecija. Since it is an indie movie, the pre-requisite good acting was present. The story was also good but as Jalberti said, it was bordering on Magical Realism already. Again, I have no compunction if a movie has elements of both, but this is an indie movie for chrissakes! An indie movie plus dark comedy plus magical realism is not only redundant, it reeks of self-indulgence! It’s like Jejemons having their own dictionary!?
Anyways, after the movie, since the director was sitting just a row below us, I clapped with the pretension of politeness (I was afraid that he might see me being haughty and slap me silly). Jalberti did not clap; he was too polite to patronize the shenanigans of direk. I admired Jalberti’s resolve at that moment.
And that was the end of our filmfest adventure. The movie drained too much from our brains that it manifested into hunger so we had an early dinner at Jubilee and then spent the rest of the afternoon discussing about poverty and “tirahan”. Topics typically spread-eagled in Cinemanila but was relatively absent on this year’s roster.
On another note, what’s with the increasing ticket prices. In 2009, it was only 120, now it’s 150. That’s around a 25% increase ha! I understand the producers need to recoup their expenses but increasing the prices somehow defeats the commercialism candor of these movies. If my math is right, 2011 prices would be at 180 level if the trend continues. Foreign film ito?
P.S. I live in Fairview. So going to CCP on a Saturday for me is malayo. As in Cinemalayo talaga (corniness and italics mine).
The world needs anger. The world often continues to allow evil because it isn’t angry enough. ~ Fr. Bede Jarrett
I was watching the Inauguration Speech of P.Noy yesterday and what struck me the most among the talking points of his speech was his stand to forgive his enemies but (sic) forgive those the wronged the Filipino people he could not.
I hope he is truly the angry President that he projects to be. Us Filipino’s are too forgiving, too forgetful. Our wrath has limited bounds. We cried for the loss of love ones during floods and other man made disasters yet we often fail to look back at those who kicked the shit out of our pants. We wail in agony for those victims of injustice and heinous crimes yet we forget to parlay such emotions into justice. Life is not fair. If somebody will slap you, God will not go down from the Heavens to put out his right cheek to take the hit for you. You either run or you can fight. Pity the fool said BA Baracus. Let us not be foolish to think that the world dispenses universal justice. That is like praying for the damnation of your would-be assassin’s soul just before he pulls the trigger on a gun pointed at your right temple.
You can either run or fight. You have no other choice but either to run or fight.
Let us be angry for those that treat us as fools. Anger is not tantamount to hatred. Sometimes anger spares us from life long hatred. Anger is the call for action. It is not for diaspora but for the congregation of individuals that would stand up and say, “This will be the last of your transgressions you piece of shit!”
Let us be angry for the right reasons and not because of fear or hate. Let us be angry because enough is enough.
Holy week na. Ano ba ang maaring puntahan para di ako mabagot. Kailangan ko mag-bakasyon. Gusto ko umalis sa paligid na familyar. Gusto ko mabasa ang aking paa sa malamig na tubig ng dagat.
Kailangan ko tumakbo. Tumakbo ng dahan-dahan. Dahan-dahan kong tatahakin ang bagong landas. Hindi ko nga alam kung nawawala ako. Basta diretso lang.Tuloy-tuloy lang. Aabot din ako sa dulo. Sa dulo ng daan, hindi ko inaasahan ko makikita ko ang kasagutan. Ang masaya, ginawa ko sya. Di ako umupo sa gilid ng tulay at tumingin lang sa mga nagdaraang bangka sa ilalim ko. Siguro may ADHD nga ako, di ako makapakali. Marami ako hinahanap kahit lahat nasa aking mga palad na. Pero masaya maghanap. Kapag wala ka na hinahanap, bulag ka na. Sabog ka na. Wala ka na pag-asa. Ang tao ay nabubuhay dahil meron sya kailangang araruhin sa araw-araw. Walang saysay ang buhay mo kung ang balak mo sa buong umaga ay tumingin sa bintana para bilangin ang mga ibong makikita mo sa mga puno.
Mayroong tinig sa iyong puso. Isang tinig na munti ngunit masidhing bumubulong, tumatawag, naririnig. “Hoy, asan ka na?.” Kung ang sagot mo “ay andito pa.” Patay tayo dyan.
May paa tayo para sumikad. Literal na sumikad. Ang mga ninuno natin ay mga nomad. Sanay tayong mawala at makabalik kung saan man tayo nanggaling. At isa pa, ang taba ko na para umupo lang maghapon dito sa opisina.
Kailangan ko ng preskong hangin. Maski dalawang araw lang. Naman.
Today is Day 1. This will be a long month for me. But I must go now. Before it’s too late.
I have too many things in my head right now. But I’m sleeping much better now after I tendered my resignation to my manager.
Sometimes, I tend to forget the power of positive thinking in my life. I basically willed this change. Can I will getting a new love life too?
I shall not count the days to the end. Rather I shall how much is left for me to do good for the company and to my team.
I shall not miss this place, but I must do what is feel needed to have a graceful exit.