Oh well, here I go again…

Emotisents

Cinemalayo

I’ve always loved indie movies. I love movies that tell stories without resorting to eye popping razzle dazzle effects and worse inutile dialogue (“I’m hotter than you”, belch!). Yes indie movies can sometimes try too hard to be “indie” but if you give me 200 bucks to watch another installment of THAT vampire love story (somehow vampirism and love story does not bite me, pun intended) franchise, I’ll use that money to buy pirated Lav Diaz’s movies in Quiapo instead. Diaz’s movies might’ve been full of hubris, but he makes it up with gravitas (sitting through a 12- hour Lav Diaz movie is the verbatim definition of hubris in the dictionary. Look it up.).

And so, as my preamble goes, I met Jalberti at CCP to take a dip into Filipino Indiecinephelia (such an insert word here !).

Since Cinemalaya is on its 6th year, they amped up their serving by dividing movies into various categories e.g. new breed, director showcase, shorts, etc. As if we do not know the newbies from the tandercats?! So andaming pagpipillian, what na? As usual, I have troves of theories to rely upon whenever I get into these schiznitz moments. For this one, I go by the Flock is right or your fucked theory. Meaning, one should go with the direction of the herd unless you want to be branded as pasaway. So I told Jalberti, let’s watch the movie with the longest line! Normally, Jalberti on a full stomach would raise an objection to such absurd communal theory but hunger is such a dumbing pill, he acquiesced.

So off we go to get in line for Two Funerals by Gil Portes since it had the longest line then. On hindsight, even if my theory was correct, my method was flawed since we didn’t check the other theaters if their lines were longer than ours, alas dispensa Jalberti.

Two Funerals is a (screwball) dark comedy about the mix-up of two cadavers that were victims of a bus accident in Gapan, Nueva Ecija. Since it is an indie movie, the pre-requisite good acting was present. The story was also good but as Jalberti said, it was bordering on Magical Realism already. Again, I have no compunction if a movie has elements of both, but this is an indie movie for chrissakes! An indie movie plus dark comedy plus magical realism is not only redundant, it reeks of self-indulgence! It’s like Jejemons having their own dictionary!?

Anyways, after the movie, since the director was sitting just a row below us, I clapped with the pretension of politeness (I was afraid that he might see me being haughty and slap me silly). Jalberti did not clap; he was too polite to patronize the shenanigans of direk. I admired Jalberti’s resolve at that moment.

And that was the end of our filmfest adventure. The movie drained too much from our brains that it manifested into hunger so we had an early dinner at Jubilee and then spent the rest of the afternoon discussing about poverty and “tirahan”. Topics typically spread-eagled in Cinemanila but was relatively absent on this year’s roster.

On another note, what’s with the increasing ticket prices. In 2009, it was only 120, now it’s 150. That’s around a 25% increase ha! I understand the producers need to recoup their expenses but increasing the prices somehow defeats the commercialism candor of these movies. If my math is right, 2011 prices would be at 180 level if the trend continues. Foreign film ito?

P.S. I live in Fairview. So going to CCP on a Saturday for me is malayo. As in Cinemalayo talaga (corniness and italics mine).

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Today is the beginning of the End

Today is Day 1. This will be a long month for me. But I must go now. Before it’s too late.

I have too many things in my head right now. But I’m sleeping much better now after I  tendered my resignation to my manager.

Sometimes, I tend to forget the power of positive thinking in my life. I basically willed this change. Can I will getting a new love life too?

I shall not count the days to the end. Rather I shall how much is left for me to do good for the company and to my team.

I shall not miss this place, but I must do what is feel needed to have a graceful exit.


A Sobering Thought

I don’t think anyone in my immediate circle has realized it yet that I’ve drinking consistently with a few days of intervals for the past three years or so. I wouldn’t say that I’m an abject alcoholic but I knew something was wrong about a year ago when I was looking to buy something to quench my thirst at a local 7-11 store and I took at a couple of San Mig lights to get my fix (it was an afternoon).  Since then, I have been into lala limbo every other day or so. So this week, I had a resolve to stop drinking alcohol completely but not right after downing a medium-sized bottle of GSM Blue and evidently knocking myself out of my socks for the last time, ofcourse.

It might be a while before I taste you again my old friend *sob

It might be a while before I taste you again my old friend *sob

So far it has been seven days and counting. Not that I’ll completely stop myself from drinking. But I guess, it would be wise (as advised by my liver), to reduce the frequency from a M-W-F scheme into a more manageable 2x a month ruckus.

I know for a fact that I have been drinking because I wanted to numb the pain that I have been feeling for the past few years or so (not related to a single event mind you) but I realized that somehow I have to put my foot down. I’m turning 29 this year, I don’t want to get into my 3rd decade of my life brain dead. Being autistic is bollocks enough.


Whylight

Just saw “Twilight” yesterday in Rockwell Cinemas.

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I now consider myself, officially depressed!


Realizations

I am getting more homo by the minute…. Tsk…tsk…

1. I’ve come to realise that my butt: is cute but really huge.

2. I’ve come to realise that if I love someone: I still shouldn’t be afraid to show them that I love them, no matter how much it hurts in the end.

3. I’ve come to realise that I need: to get laid once in a while to keep me sane and upbeat (oops…)

5. I’ve come to realise that I’ve lost: a lot of money by not accounting much of it that comes my way.

6. I’ve come to realise that I hate it when: I’m idle.

7. I’ve come to realise that if I’m drunk: I become much more honest to others around me.

8. I’ve come to realise that money: makes me happy more than eating.

9. I’ve come to realise that my mother: is more sensible that I am in a non-sensical way though.

10. I’ve come to realise that I’ll probably always be: romantic and jaded at same time.

11. I’ve come to realise that I have a crush on: nobody, for now.

12. I’ve come to realise that the last time I cried was: when I realized that I was getting older but my problems does not.

13. I’ve come to realise that my cell phone: is my only companion at the moment.

14. I’ve come to realise that when I wake up in the morning: I would feel guilty that I didn’t get up earlier to train because I’m so lazy and… fat.

15. I’ve come to realise that before I go to sleep at night: I still think about work.

16. I’ve come to realise that right now I am thinking about: things that I regret doing in the past that I have this resolve not to wallow on them.

17. I’ve come to realise that babies: are the last thing in my mind right, got to find someone to impregnate first.

18. I’ve come to realise that when I get on wordpress: I check other blogs first because I find mine boring.

19. I’ve come to realise that today I will: always try my best even if I fail at first, even if I’m tired already.

20. I’ve come to realise that tonight I will: have to run 10km to make-up for all those mornings that I overslept.

21. I’ve come to realise that tomorrow I will: still be me, always trying to be better.

22. I’ve come to realise that I really want to: be myself, kick ass, be a good father and husband and die with a smile someday.

23. I’ve come to realise that who is most likely to repost this is: as non-original as me.

24. I’ve come to realise relationships: work best for people who are into relationships and not merely for sex and companionship only.

25. I’ve come to realise love: is not something that is abstract, it is real and it is all around us.

26. I’ve come to realise my best guy friend/s: are those that think I am a geek but still like me anyway.

27. I’ve come to realise my best girl friend/s: are those that think that I am a gentlemanyak but figures that am safer to be with than the average single guys around them.

28. I’ve come to realise food: is my worse enemy.

29. I’ve come to realise that when I’m a boyfriend: the next time, I should be happier and be more content than I am now in my single state.

30. I’ve come to realise girls and boys: have more sexual tension with each other than they care to admit.

31. I’ve come to realise over the summer: that the season is over-rated and magastos!

32. I’ve come to realise heartbreak: destroys you so that you learn how you can rebuild a better version of yourself.


If you must go…

I am writing this entry to put a time stamp to something significant that has happened to me today. I do not wish to forget this day.

If you must go…

I wish you well. I hope that your wounds have healed. Now you want to spread your wings, so you must go.

I am hoping for the best. That you will be happier, less irritated and less annoyed with the people that you meet unlike your experiences with me.

I will let you go, because I know that I never had you anyway. But know, that I will miss you, for every single day that I will live my life on this earth.

If you must go, then go. Leave me. Live, smile, giggle, be happy. I will never forget you, as you go on your way to forget me.

Whatever happens, I will always love you. Goodbye.


New Year Promises

I couldn’t write resolution because I don’t have the resolve to follow it through. I’ll just promise alright? I’m good at keeping promises anyway. I always keep them no matter what 😉

1. Save money! No honey no money! Less food, less crappy toys and less drinking. That’ll save me money.

2. Run more. I’ll try to break my 10km wall this year and maybe, just maybe compete. I’ve been too meek and shitless last year that I felt my balls are going to fall off any minute soon. Eeew.

3. Stop falling in-love the with wrong woman. Easier said than done. But I’ll try. Sniff.  Define wrong? I dunno. That’s why I always fall for them. Until it’s too late.My dear friends, I will try.

4. Start a business. This is easy, or not. Will advertise online as PC troubleshooter. To all my friends who are getting free tech advices from me before, you’re going to get billed soon. Hahaha (Evil laugh).

5. Study again. Yeah, I mean study to get paid big time is not bad right? And I am getting bored from work. Hey, maybe the campus can work wonders for my juvenile mind. Hihihihi (Awkward and weird laugh).

6. Travel…travel…travel. Alone if necessary, I don’t like bugging people to come with me, so if worse comes to worse, I might have to do this alone. I dunno, I just feel like this year is my last year of wanderlust.

7.  Learn a new sport or hobby. I am targeting either skin diving or muay thai boxing. Ambitious no?

8.  Sleep earlier. Rest is golden. I think my insomnia is just in my head. Since I am able to get myself into slumber anywhere and anytime of the day, I don’t think I won’t be able to do it at night! Wherein most humans are asleep!

9. No more Mr.  Nice Guy. As one of my friend said to me a few days ago, the only thing that will get me a new gf is if I stop being a nice guy and start being the manyakis that every horny girl likes. Huhuhu (Confused whining).

10. Accept the world as it is and change. I have been blinded by lust and fear for the longest time. I ignored the truth and chose to look the other way. The world doesn’t care a crap about me so I should quit all my whining and slap my face really hard. Ouch! It hurts, but I need it. I don’t wanna wait for the world to change. No more. No more.